


Fighting, Fucking, and A Place Called Home

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Drama, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-11-04
Updated: 2007-11-04
Packaged: 2018-09-03 12:35:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8714167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: At the end of the day when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all pretend to keep our distance is usually a load of bull, so we pick and choose who we want to remain close to and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stay close by no matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping and sometimes close can be too close, but sometimes that invasion of personal space can be exactly what you need.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** Takes place after "Bedtime Stories" Spoilers for all episodes before 3.05 The summary is from Grey's Anatomy, because I'm just not that eloquent.

  
Author's notes: The text in _italics_ is meant to be the unspoken conversation. It will make sense later. I promise.  


* * *

“I told you it wasn’t going to work.”

 

They had been driving in silence for almost an hour before Dean’s words startled Sam out of his reverie. Sam sighed; this was not a conversation he wanted to be having.

 

“And I told you that I had to try.”

 

Now it was Dean’s turn to sigh. Yes, deep down Dean knew his brother was going to try anything and everything to save him, but that didn’t mean Dean wasn’t going to be pissed about it.

 

Silence fell in the Impala again, both men trapped in their thoughts. The miles flew by, bringing them closer to Boston, but farther from each other.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Sam had been thinking about it a lot since his father died, but that damn Demonic Bitch from last night twisted it all around. Sometimes he felt like his brother’s keeper, but Dean was the whole world to him. There was nothing Sam wouldn’t do for his big brother, nothing. If there was ever a sense of relief, it wasn’t because he was losing Dean; it was because he would finally see the end. Going on after Jess & John died was hard enough, Sam just wasn’t built to go it alone. The day Dean died; he wasn’t going to be doing it alone. God, that would really piss Dean off.

 

If Dean had any idea what his brother was planning, he gave no indication. Instead his face carried, as it had for some time now, the grim determination of a man resigned to his fate, but resolved to wring every possible joy out of the time he has left. At times there was something almost desperate in his eyes, but it was always gone before you were ever sure it was there.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Dean took the first exit for Boston city limits. It was almost All Hallows Eve after all, and there was rumour that the ghost of the original Boston Strangler roamed the streets. Personally, Dean thought this was a load of crap, but Boston was supposed to have great beer.

 

“So I was thinking that maybe we could hang out here for a few days, I read a brochure that said something about a big museum, you’d like that right? And then I was thinking…”

 

Dean kept talking, but Sam wasn’t listening. It was time. No more pretending, no more excuses, no more trying to say the right thing instead of the true thing. No more hiding. It was time to tell Dean the truth. As the Impala cruised into the motel parking lot Samuel Winchester prepared to change his life.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Are you sure you’re alright man?” It was the third time in an hour Sam had faced, and deflected, this same question. It was time.

 

“No.”

 

Dean was startled. It was one of the unwritten rules of men that you’re always alright. Broken, bleeding, maybe even dying, but as long as it was another dude asking, you’re fine. Sam always had been one for the chick-flick moments, but this seemed like something else. Something serious.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” _Please God no_

 

“I think I have to.” _Please don’t make this harder_

 

“Should I be sitting down?” _Say no_

 

“I think we should both sit.” _Before my legs give out_

 

When both men were settled side by side on the bed, Sam gathered all his courage and began.

 

“You are the first thing I remember.” Sam paused to clear his throat. “You are my first memory.”

 

“You’re not the first to call me memorable little brother.” Dean smirked, trying desperately to lighten the mood.

 

“Don’t do that alright? Just let me talk for a minute.” _Please don’t. I can’t do this if you don’t listen to me._

 

Dean mimed zipping his mouth shut, drawing not the smile he intended, but instead a weary sigh from Sam.

 

“Almost all my early memories are of you. Nothing flashy or anything, just you.” _Always you_

 

“That makes sense, Dad was always hunting when you were small. I took care of you a lot.” _Always you too_

 

“That’s why this attitude of yours hurts me so much.” _Can’t you see you’re tearing me apart?_

 

“I don’t know what you mean.” _This “attitude” is the only protection I have. Can’t you see that?_

 

“Do you really think so little of yourself? Do you really hate yourself this much?” _Please God say no_

 

“I don’t hate myself. Why would you think that?” _Don’t you see that you’re worth so much more than me?_

 

“Dean you are everything to me, you have been since I was six months old.” _Why can’t you see that?_

 

“Sam…” _I love you so much Sammy_

 

“Dean, why won’t you let me save you?” _Don’t you see that I don’t know how to live without you?_

 

“Oh Sammy, don’t you realize that your life means more to me than my own?” _Always has, always will_

 

“And your life means more to me than anything.” _Always has, always will_

 

“I don’t know what you see in me that would make you say that. I’m no more important than the next person, my life is no more valuable.” _You are little brother; you’re worth more than anyone else_

 

“What do I see in you? Fierce pride, loyalty, determination, the fight, and fury, and your will to survive. You are a warrior Dean Winchester, and the world is in short supply of those.” _If you won’t fight for yourself, fight for me_

 

“Sam, please. Just this once, let me be strong.” _Don’t you see how scared I am?_

 

“Strong is fighting. It’s hard and it’s painful, and it’s everyday. It’s what we have to do, and we can do it together. But if you’re too much of a coward for that, then die. If I can’t convince you that you belong in this world, then I don’t know what can. But do not expect me to watch and don’t expect me to mourn for you.” _Don’t expect me to live without you, I don’t know how_

 

Dean was again struck speechless. Though he had always known he was important to Sam, he never realized the depth of his brother’s love. Having lived this long relying on his instincts, Dean did what they demanded. He drew Sam into a tight hug, trying to convey all the things he couldn’t say into this one gesture. Sam choked on a sob, locking his impossibly long arms tighter around his brother. The two men sat like this, locked together, for what seemed like an eternity before Sam turned his face to Dean’s. Their lips met with an electric shock. Dean pulled back first, uncertainty in his eyes. 

 

“I love you Dean” Sam murmured, pulling his brother back in for another kiss.

 

This time it was no gentle meeting, no accidental touch. This time it was for real. Dean froze for a moment, fighting the urge to pull his little brother closer, but Sam’s tongue, instant at his lips, melted all resistance. They moved against each other like it was completely natural; hard kisses and hot mouths tasting like grease and desperation. Sam leaned into Dean, shoving his brother back onto the bed. Dean bit Sam’s lip, feeling stupid and horny but not being able to stop himself. 

 

“Fuck,” Dean whispered his voice ripped open and low as Sam ground himself hard against his brother’s leg, and Jesus, why hadn’t they done this before?

 

“Dean,” Sam panted, because he needed to say it.

 

Dean liked it rough. He shoved his hand down the front of Sam’s jeans, curled his fingers in a tight fist, and jacked him, hard and fast. He felt Sam shake and come, feeling a perverse joy at the look on his brother’s face. It didn’t take long for Sam to return the favour, shoving Dean’s shirt up over his head before raking nails hard down his spine. Dean arched into Sam, pushing his body flush against his brother’s. Sam took the hint. With a careless tug he had Dean’s jeans and boxers in a heap on the floor. Faced with the rigid perfection of his brother’s cock, Sam did what came naturally; he licked a trail from base to tip before taking it all in his mouth.

 

“Aww…shit” Dean gasped, hips pistoning in an awkward rhythm

 

It didn’t take long for him to come in hot spurts down his brother’s throat. Sam swallowed it all, delighting in the slightly metallic taste of _Dean_ in his mouth.

 

Sam was impossibly hard again. Dean couldn’t help but notice this fact, as, like every other part of him, Sam’s cock was almost frighteningly large. 

 

“I want you to fuck me,” Dean growled, turning onto his stomach. “I want to feel you inside me”

 

If it was possible, Sam got harder. He had never tried anal sex before, Jess wasn’t that adventurous, but there was something so erotic about his brother’s ass. They had plenty of condoms, well Dean did anyway, but neither of them had lube. Dean solved this little problem by using the smeared remains of his earlier ejaculation. This was not the first time Dean Winchester had fingers in his ass, it wasn’t even the first time those fingers were his own, but it was defiantly the first time he would be taking something as big as Sam. 

 

“Now Sammy, now I’m ready for you”

 

Sam hesitated for a moment. He knew he wasn’t a small guy; Jessica had always taken so much foreplay before she was ready. It seemed highly unlikely Dean’s ass would be alright with a few quick strokes of half-dry semen.

 

“Now Sam!”

 

That was all it took to shatter the last of Sam’s defenses. Without another word he grabbed Dean by the hips, guided himself to his brother’s impossibly small hole, and shoved. Dean cried out, hands flailing blindly before latching onto the bedposts. Sam thrust hard and fast, secretly enjoying the mewling noises Dean was making now. The smack of flesh on flesh was loud in the room, rhythmic like a heartbeat, like a promise. _Mine_ , Sam’s body seemed to say. _Yours_ , Dean’s replied. Sam came with a triumphant shout, reaching down to jerk his brother off. It took only the first touch of Sam’s callused hand for Dean to spurt across the sheets.

 

They finally fell asleep, naked bodies pressed together in a tangled heap of flesh, sweat, and semen. It was the first peaceful sleep for either of them in far too long. Though the morning would bring back all the uncertainty, right here, in this moment, they were home.


End file.
